My first one since Dec. tomorrow... www.musclesportmag.com Things are good.. training is looking good.

So the new site is being redone and managed so there will be constant updates. It should be done in about 2 months. I am updating again though. I just put in two new galleries. There should be a lot of new good stuff pre and post Olympia.

I just went to eat and I wasnt too hungry but wow I plowed some food. I feel so heavy! :( I havent been much of an eater lately which is so weird for me. Too much on my mind. Stress is fun that way! I am on the job hunt cause I cant rely completely on my training. I have a few different avenues to look at. I am even thinking maybe now is the time to leave Denver so Im looking out of state. I need some warm weather anyhow. I will most likely have to wait till after the Olympia. I wish I wouldn't have put so much into my bb over the years as far as getting wrapped up. Wish it paid more. I stress to beginners always have something to fall back on! Dont think that you can do just competing for a living. Make sure you have a VERY supportive, loving inner circle that loves you unconditionaly. But then again you just never know. Life is uncertain which we must have to give us variety. Competing and doing well can help but you have to wrap it up with other associated things. Especially if you arent at the top. I know so many struggling woman... and men. I've had a lot that I have worked for taken away but just like a new show.. I will rebuild. My friends say, you are stronger than you think you are. I keep proving it everyday. I know I want to compete for a couple move years but I'm getting to the age that I kinda want a small family. Could you imagine a mini me? lol I'm going to be 33 so its coming. I love bb but its not everything. I want to do so many things. Still want my own clothing. I keep researching it but it is sooooo hard to get started! WOW. My dance instructor says I have a gift for rhythm dance.. I want to venture more into that. I love it. Its a new challenge and what a workout! I love music so I just want to move to it.. Im just better when Im by myself or watching my instructor. lol

Sorry about the "unreal muscle" thing. I realize it's the site. I was frustrated. It can be hard being so public and finding that happy balance between privacy and making yourself real and available to fans. You never want to reveal too much about your personal life but it seems to seep out in bits. Emotions are funny that way. I'm going through some very difficult changes in my life and getting my head right for the Olympia. You know woman, we vent. lol Understand I am only human too. I still cant believe how much weight I have lost. I am enjoying being able to wear some "normal" clothes but I have to make the transition. I'm sure the 1/2 dozen donuts didn't help last night. :( I love the process of seeing what I can do with my body. Dieting starts in a month and a half. Times that I have taken in stride are back in demand and I'm taking baby steps. So sick of this recession! Money doesn't solve everything but it sure helps make things easier. ;)

So who runs "unrealmuscle".. I'm not even a member but I was suspended! LOL Whatever. It's ok to discuss me but not defend myself? What is wrong with everyone? I've never been kicked out of something like that. lol Some peoples kids! On another note. My girl is getting married and the bachelorette party is this weekend. I'm pretty excited. I need a good night out of girl fun. I've been so stressed that I need to unwind. I am doing a high school gig tomorrow to present bb to kids and get them excited. Should be interesting. I want to influence in a positive way so I said I was game. I had that influence when I was young. Sometimes people just need to be exposed to something new. Busy weekend. I started training for the O. Its going to be a lot different this year. Kinda nervous but I'm pretty tough and determined.

Spent my night checking out what people are saying about me. Craziness. This is why I dont deal with message boards. This "unrealmuscle.com" has some really funny stuff. Most of it I never said or did! I respect my female peers but I have my way of doing things. FBB has gotten so out of control. I want to be a woman and a bodybuilder. For every 10 fans there is that one hater that I could give a shit less about. I am a very up front forward person... I will tell you. I don't train year round cause I have had a lot more on my hands also. I do the best I can. I love who I am and I know I am a good person! Really think about what you post about me!!!!!! You dont who I am... respect that what I have done. I am as real as they come if you haven't caught on! As for the people that have my back... THANKS!!!!!

Things are looking up! Bring on the clients. :) Hopefully it will just get better. I am just having some fun and enjoying being me before I have to go into full prep. It's been tough lately but I am doing my best. Learn from mistakes and forgive... I am growing. ;) Not literally. I did drop a lot of weight but I have been eating like mad again so its coming back.. not in the best way. Yuck! I am getting more consistent. I know what I am capable of. Thank you to my loyal followers and friends! I appreciate you guys.

I am back from a long absence from my post. I got rid of my facebook account cause it was just too much to keep up on. My messages were building up uncontrollably and I just got tired of it. I am going through some changes in my life and don't want my emotions to interfere on FB of all places. This however, is my personal site so its a tad different. This is for my fans. I will be competing at the Olympia this year.. contract is in. Just getting some things in place. I am getting things organized and on track. I have lost a lot of weight so it will be a struggle but I know what I am capable of it. I kinda enjoy being a little smaller though. Its nice. I can fit in some clothes again. lol I know that I have to start putting it back on though! I have major competition.. duh! I have enjoyed my time off although it has been ridden with some shitty injuries. I seem to attract dumb injuries since my back soft tissue tears. I have to train smart for the Olympia. Its amazing what injuries can do to a person. Mentally and all of the above. You dont know till you are in that position. Just very hard to overcome. It gets harder as I get older and especially if Im not consistent.. but I love taking some time off as much as I love training my butt off. I wanted to be a little more balanced throughout life in general but if I want to be a contender... that isnt an option. Who knows what will happen this year. Its tough when there are so many other things you have interest in. I am a paradox of sorts. I play hard in everything and want to do many things. I dont know how these woman do it that are so much older than me. WOW. I have some other interest. I love the dancing.. since I took up Latin rhythm. I am getting back into that even if my fat toe injury isnt up to par. I love it. I want to take some sort of fighting class too. I'm expanding. lol I dont want to just be one thing- one dimensional. Not that there is anything wrong with devoting to bb I just realize that I have other loves. I want to thank my friends, even though they dont read this.. and most importantly Dylan, for being my friends and helping me so much. I have been bless with special people in my life. I appreciate every little moment. :) And I need to tell them more. Dylan especially has taken a backseat too many times for me. It takes one seriously special person. I cant thank him enough. I am a handful no matter how you look at it. Its going to be an adventure. I will keep everyone posted! I know I am horrible about updates but I am looking into some other options for the site. I appreciate my loyal followers.. thank you! It helps me out soo much.

I am really done with facebook.. I have come to have more disdain for it than anything. Please just email me through headym@comcast.net

I'm chillen at home today cause I didnt sleep last night due to my back. I am way to young for this. It's mimicking an injury I had when I was 21 from deads. Except that time I could barely breath for a month. I am at an age where I can really feel my "bad" genes. I dont have the best wiring in general. But I can sure put on the mass. I am counting the days till warmth. Its seems like we've had a ton of grey days this year. Denver is suppose to be known for sunniness. I asked for warm weather for Valentines Day.. I am getting it. hehe! Love you D! I do need to get a little aggressive on burning some cals so I can get in a bikini. I have the sickest addiction to buying suits. Shoes would be second. I love swimwear. I think it comes from when I was little I would run around aaallllll summer in my suits. I lived in them. Ahhhhh! When its 35 everyday I dont think much about my abs. Gym is doing good and that is a great thing for us. I have been able to focus on it more now that I am waiting to compete in Sept. I get hard on myself that I am still learning so much about daily management in my 30s. I seem to take on too much and burn out. I need a tad bit more variety. We are taking Salsa lessons too now that we have a little extra time. It's a nice release after being at the gym all day. Sounds crazy cause the gym use to be my outlet.:( Now I have to fit in yoga classes and Spanish lessons. Oh, and find my time for my friends! One of my best friends is getting married and another just had a baby so I need to give them more attention. Its amazing how much simpler life is when you dont know so many people when you are younger or dont have a career yet. I am getting more and more interested in so many other things. I have been for some time but haven't really acted till recently. I'm less scared now that I have accomplished a few toughies. I am enjoying the diversity in my life. I love diversity in ever aspect and I believe it is healthy for growth and knowledge. I just wish I could be more consistent in a few areas. ;);) That is all for now.. off to pick up poo.. maybe?

I am so sorry about this but no I will not be competing in the Ms. I. It took a lot of very difficult thought and added stress but I came to a conclusion to do what is best for me and my family. I put in for my invite in Oct. with every intention of kicking butt and very excited. Dec. came with too many road blocks. Timing was off for me. I had ignored some injuries that were not going to cooperate. I have been fighting the tendinitis in my right arm which is worse than ever lately. I even took several days off due to a hand injury that happened after Christmas. I am very proactive about working on these things but I guess I did not have enough time in between shows to get it handled. My injuries are a work in progress. lol I also want to give some more attention to my family and Dylan. And the gym. Things happen and I'm done beating myself up about it. I want to thank everyone who is supportive of my decision... it means more than you could know! In the mean time. I am going to presue some alternative things. We are taking Salsa and I want to work on my Spanish. There is never enough time in the day for me but all will work out in the end. Thank you... H

I have been able to slow down a little now that xmas is over. Dec. was horrible to honest. So much went wrong and it was a challenge to get through. I was terribly thrown off my prep there for a while too. I wasnt controlling my life very well. Tonight is great cause I have been home most of the day and its freezing snowing but I dont have to be out in it. I took a break from the gym today. I need those to clear my head. Ive become so addicted to facebook that I dont blog as much as I should. I have all these things on my mind and then I go to type and cant remember cause Im thinking of other stuff. :) I have been concerned about the Arnold due to a couple of injuries but I am good at fighting them. I do a lot of proactive work with them. Im already dreaming of warmer weather. I know it will fly by but it doesnt make the time being any easier for my freezing bod. The weather tears up the roads so bad here. I dont know what the deal is but I might as well be driving in a third world country. Its horrible and it makes me so mad. The state lets them go till summer. Hopefully this year will be better for all of us. This recession stuff is wearing thinner than ever. We have had a bad third and forth quarter.. worse than last years. I dont have much hope for anything ever getting back to GREAT in this country. People have done a real job on it. Everyone wants to point fingers and bitch but that does a whole lot of nothing to fix it. Its been Dem against Rep more than EVER. While they bitch at each other nothing gets done that makes a real impact. Sad stuff.. frustrating to live in huh? If the economy ever does recover.. well in the next decade we would be doing pretty well. Till then... ah! There is a new store going up on the gyms website. We have been a little slow to get the pics up but they are coming. I never have enough hours in my day!!!!!!

I am hosting at our house and Im a tad stressed. I have a ton to do in very little time. Im having most of it prepared. lol I am not much of a holiday person. I just think of all the other things I could be doing and spending money on. I like to give gifts year round. Im sitting here tonight so hungry and crabby. Its been hard getting my groove on. I know it will come but I hope it is fast. 11 weeks baby!

It is underway! I feel a little more hungry this year. I hope that sticks with me. I know this week will be a battle getting acclimated to no more "whatever I want to do". Everyone is pulling for me to kill it so I can feel and sense the support. As Ive said before.. I love the AC! Great show. It gets tougher when you start loving you fellow competitors too. You want to beat them but you want to have a good relationship. I have a long ways to go and as always a lot on my plate. My parents are coming in for Christmas so I am hosting. It will be a nice little break. All is well otherwise. Wish it was warm! Burrrrrrrr!

Im back for good now... well 3 months. ;) Hopefully next year I will be able to prep down in Mexico. That weather loves me. Our trip didnt go as smooth this time. Dylan had a horrible bug the first 24 hours. Throwing up violently. The weather was a little off. Everyone we talked to said they had never seen it rain in Dec. Even the woman I sat by on the plane home who had lived there 14 years. We had a couple perfect days though. The day we took the charter boat out was fantastic. The crew was a little crabby and made it clear that they only make 6 us a day before we left dock. We are really good tippers so they shouldve just shut it but everyone has their days. Those people work like no others. Like the one crew member told me... we have to to survive. Here in the states we just say fuck it, the government will bail us out. The service down there is top notch impressive. I love the attitude.. no problem... kicked back. That is for me all the way. They work hard and play hard. I have a lot of respect for Mexican people. I bought a pair of Ed Hardy sunglasses while at Nats a couple weeks ago. I got seriously ripped off on them in Ft. Lauderdale... I didnt know. DUH! I was in a huge hurry to get somewhere and ran into the bathroom sat them on the dispenser.. ran out. I remembered them minutes later and ran back in.. long gone and no one turned them in. In an upscale resort you would think someone would be decent enough but I guess not. It wasnt just that I spent money I really couldnt of shouldnt of on them but I truly looooooooved them and I dont have much in my wardrobe that I really love. REALLY loved them. It really hurt. I had a cry. I dont buy myself much for nice stuff so when I do I am proud of it. What sucks is Dylan was 100% against me buying them in the first place and said.. you'll just lose them. Pretty crushing. We had a few things of unnecessary expense creep up that really sucked. We got back home last night and Ive had severe tummy cramps ever since the flight. I ate some Subway cookies that I know set it off. I am reading the best book ever... Andre Agassi's bio. Really good. I have never related to someone so much in my life word for word. Read that book and you will get some insight into me and my bodybuilding. Like him bodybuilding is all Ive known most of my life. I dont always want to be on but it is what I am and have been. Of course I didnt have a parent forcing it on me. Like him though I feel like I have something to prove and always fall short. Plenty of ridicule that hurts.. even though I still have my fans that love me. Fans are still fickle no matter what. Of course I will never make the kind of money he did off bb. I could justify anything if I was cashing million dollar checks. LOL Anyhow, great book. Im home today just playing catch up. I know Dylan will not be thrilled cause I havent been into the gym. I need to train but Ive had a tummy ache since we left Mexico. Cookies are my nemesis. Always give me tummy aches now days. I am so determined to buckle it down the next 3 months for this show. I want a win sooooo bad! I need it to be honest. Everything except the cold is on my side so I cant complain too much... somehow I always do. I have all the tools to do it but I somehow screw it up. Some psychological shit. Im going to get some help with that this time. It would be so kick ass to turn some things around on the female bb side. I have a couple tendonitis problems to work through the next 4 weeks. The one in my arm will never go away its been there almost 3 years now. At times I dont know how I can take it. Makes doing biceps very difficult. Just get through it!